227.9

Well, looks like my total loss for May is 11.8 pounds.  That is amazing!  I think that sans exercise, this is the absolute best I can expect.  I can't eat less than I am already eating (never more than 1250, sometimes falling as low as 1050), and with my metabolism the fucked thing that it is, I am really happy that I even eeked out this much.  This months loss is all thanks to following the path of Bright Line Eating, and a Whole Foods, Plant Based diet that is sugar and oil free.  Whatever was watching out for me this month lending me strength and power, please don't leave me!!  And in the likely reality that my brain is just getting on board with my heart, you two stay in contact. I haven't been this happy with myself in a super long time ;)


RECAP:
Feb 1: 253.6 (starting)
Mar 1: 252 (-1.6)
April 1: 245 (-7)

MAY:
05/01: 239.7 (-5.3)
05/02: 237.2 (-2.5)
05/03: 236.9 (-0.3)
05/04: 236.6 (-0.3)
05/05: 235.5 (-1.1)
05/06: 235.8 (+0.3)
05/07: 237.4 (+1.6)
05/08: 235.8 (-1.6)
05/09: 236.0 (+0.2)
05/10: 234.6 (-1.4)
05/11: 235.6 (+1.0)
05/12: 236.4 (+0.8)
05/13: 234.9 (-1.5)
05/14: 236.7 (+1.8)
05/15: 235.2 (-1.5)
05/16: 233.6 (-1.6)
05/17: 233.4 (-0.2)
05/18: 232.3 (-1.1)
05/19: 232.2 (-0.1)
05/20: 231.0 (-1.2)
05/21: -
05/22: 232.8 (+1.8)
05/23: 230.4 (-2.4)
05/24: 230.9 (+0.5)
05/25: 229.3 (-1.6)
05/26: 229.8 (+0.5)
05/27: 230.2 (+0.4)
05/28: 230.0 (-0.2)
05/29: 227.9 (-2.1)
05/30: 227.4 (-0.5)
05/31: 227.9 (+.05)

230.4

I am so happy with the way things have been going for me food-wise this month. I know that I have been complaining about the scale jumping around a lot. While it is always depressing to see it do that I have been trying to remind myself that I know my food has been spot-on and I am feeling GREAT. I am trying to remind myself that the scale jumping is just water weight fluctuating and just keep plodding forward despite those jumps.

There is a week left in the month, and I am down over 9 pounds for May. It's amazing! I haven't felt this motivated or on track for years. I know what the factors are that are helping me this time, namely: changing the 'rules' I follow; fully submitting to this process; changing the type of food I eat; and checking in to you to keep me on track. Mentally and physically (current cramps notwithstanding...) I am just feeling on target

I am really looking forward to hitting the hiking trails again on a regular basis too. I told myself that as soon as I am in onderland, I am going to start up exercise again. There is a lot of recent research that has found that exercising while being on a limited calorie diet actually is quiet bad for your metabolism and will slow actual weight loss down slightly. And the old addage "you can't out-exercise bad eating" is 100% true. Experts are saying when you have a lot to lose (I do!!) it is better to get it off quicker and then add exercise as you approach goal. On top of that, I am fearful that if I am on the trails with bad feet at 200+ lbs, I am going to be in more danger of having my planar fasciitis flare up and ruin my plans. but the truth is I am getting super antsy to get out there again! I miss exercising when it felt good to do so, I just know it will work against me right now.

In not quite as happy news, my melancholy over the death of Chris Cornell continues. I don't understand why this is happening to me. I feel like the depressed teenager I was when I was first listening to them back in the 90s has come raging back in full force. I suppose it doesn't help that I keep listening to his music pretty much non-stop and am watching old documentaries and reading interviews that feature him or that era. I suppose that this too shall pass. Until then, I will continue to weep at odd moments interspersed with belting out (very badly and off key) my favorite Soundgarden songs.

232.3

The day I tried to live

I'm having a fairly hard time this morning dealing with the news of  the death of Chris Cornell.   I've been off and crying since 4:30am when I saw the news on my twitter feed. Also having a hard time articulating all the reasons this is so rough. The Seattle grunge scene is what I was all about back in the latter part of High School, around 1990-1992. I had the best friends and the best times figuring out who I was back then and the music I listened to and the concerts I saw were a huge part of my identity. Another piece of that died last night. 1991 was an amazing year for music: Pearl Jam's Ten in August, Nirvana's Nevermind in September, and Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger in October. Can you imagine? It was glorious. I even almost moved to Seattle instead of San Francisco because of the music I loved and the movie Singles which I was obsessed with (it was about the Seattle music scene and Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder both had small parts in it). Badmotorfinger remains one of my favorite albums of all time. In fact, I got a new car 3 weeks ago and that was the first album I blasted to test out the new speakers. I saw Soundgarden several times in concert; Pearl Jam opened for them at one of them LOL. Chris Cornell's voice was just as polished and perfect live as it was on studio albums. He was really blessed with talent. I also think he was one of the most aesthetically beautiful men I have ever seen and he was aging marvelously. Everything about him was up my alley (I wish -HAH).

It makes the milestone of being back at a 100 lb loss this morning seem so insignificant.

Say hello to heaven, Chris.

233.6

I was fully expecting the scale to go back up based on the craziness this week, but nope! Down for two days in a row. What are the odds and how much do we all wish the answer was 100%?

 I take at least 96-144 oz of water every day during the week while at my office (and that is on top of 1-2 c. of coffee and 2-6 c. herbal tea, not to mention whatever water I also have at home). I just can't seem to slake my thirst. I know that is a sign of diabetes, but my blood tests show that that is not the issue. It might be the amount of sodium I eat - I season my food pretty heavily and this might just the consequence. Just wondering if it is a weight-losing thing, or if I should bring it up to my doc...

235.2

You know what is super freaking annoying? When you are trying super hard to stay on track (and I am on track; 1200 calories a day of WFPB meals with just a little wiggle up to 1350 or so on Saturday) but your body decides that it just wants to play teeter-totter with the scale. Look at this nonsense from the last week:

05/08: 235.8 (-1.6)
05/09: 236.0 (+0.2)
05/10: 234.6 (-1.4)
05/11: 235.6 (+1.0)
05/12: 236.4 (+0.8)
05/13: 234.9 (-1.5)
05/14: 236.7 (+1.8)
05/15: 235.2 (-1.5)

That's a net loss of 0.6, which I guess is nice (but should really be closer to a loss of 2 lbs according to the records of what I was losing last time around on this many calories per day) but omg the ups and downs are SOOOOOOOO disheartening. I am working so hard on keeping things out of my mouth that I shouldn't be eating! I really want to see the evidence on the scale and not have to continually reassure myself that I am doing good things for myself.

BOO

236

I have been wonderfully on track since I last checked in. In some cases, that took extraordinary measures, though. That said, my stupid weight bumped up over the last 4 days and hasn't come back down. I'm gonna go ahead and blame it on lack of enough water consumption again, same as last weekend.

There is an AWESOME movie theater in the city that serves a full dinner menu and full bar menu right to your movie seats while you are watching your show (we saw Guardians 2: so good!). I have come to associate going to the movies now with getting really nice yummy treats and have pretty much gone through their whole menu at this point. So, when I knew we were going to the movies I didn't want to be tempted so I pre-packed my lunch on Thursday night and smuggled it into the theater with me on Friday so that I could nosh on plan. It worked! I didn't feel the least bit like I was missing out, and I didn't have the guilt of snacking after the fact. Win-win!

And then yesterday I had a 9 hour meeting (omg, kill me...) where they served both breakfast and lunch, but again, I packed ahead and brought it all with me. I had to explain to a table full of people what Nutritatian eating was. I got a lot of sympathetic looks and a lot of "I could never do that...".

236.6

Man I am having such a depressing day. One of my brother's dogs died in her sleep last night for no particular reason. She wasn't ill, or old, or displaying any sort of behavior that indicated she was uncomfortable. There was no vomiting or any kind of indication of anything. They went to bed, and woke up in the morning to find her curled up outside, head on paws, over the rainbow bridge. She didn't normally sleep outside; I believe she knew she was going to go and so let herself out in the night to not die inside as a final gift to his family. Bah now I'm crying again.

Anyway, it is hitting me hard (all doggie deaths do whether I know them or not) and usually this sort of emotion drives me to the refrigerator but so far I am staying strong and not really feeling that pull. My determination to stay on plan is going to trump my emotions for once.

236.9 - BLE

Last weekend (April 22-23) while looking for recipes for my meal prepping, I stumbled on a recipe that I was keen on, and then stayed on the bloggers site to read what her diet plan looked like.  I had 'decided' to really go back and try to re-lose this weight back in February, and I was coming up on my typical 2-months-time-to-give-up expiration date that happens every damn time I have tried dieting since 2012.  In fact, I was already slipping back into bad eating habits.

This blog is where I was first introduced to Bright Line Eating.

The more I dug into it and tried to figure out what it was about, the more excited I got.  This mindset was precisely what I had done back in 2010 when I lost 180 pounds.  Only, back in 2010, I was on my own, had no idea why it was working, and was just winging it based on my best guess (and did stupid stuff like cutting out fat entirely which made me lose my hair...)

The entirety of that weekend I spent watching every video I could find, read every review, and posted on 3FC looking for BLE partners.  This is where I figured out that this was a new thing.  I bought the book and was anxiously awaiting Amazon to deliver before I realized it literally had been released in that same week - it was just a coincidence that I had stumbled on it.

The author/scientist behind BLE offers a (much too pricey for me) 8-week boot-camp to launch people into this way of thinking about food and the right way to eat to conquer food addiction. So I decided to wait on the book, and continue watching videos to try to do this.

That week (last week) I was on my plan perfectly as I am each week.  It is always the weekends the fuck me up.  But with the help of the videos (still was waiting for the book at that time) I had my first perfect eating weekend following the BLE guidelines as I knew them. I was so proud of myself!

Monday of this week my book was delivered.  I have been spending my lunch hour laying out on the grass in the quad reading.  I cannot emphasize enough how valuable this book is to me.  Here was information - backed up with study after scientific study - about why what I did before worked, and why it was going to work for me again.  Only this time, I feel like it is going to be permanent.  And more importantly, it made me truly recognize that I am a food addict and is providing me the tools to kick the addiction.

I am an academic at heart.  I went to graduate school and work now at UCSF for a doctoral program.  I have always loved learning and place a high value on science, study, and intelligence.  This book has so much of the science behind food issues and conquering them that I feel like I found something that is speaking directly to me.

Today is the mid point of week 2.  I can't wait to see where I am come week 3, 4, 5, and onwards.

I highly encourage anyone with food issues to give it a look and let me know what you think - I'm still looking for my BLE community!

237.2

Yeah, that woosh definitely wasn't real LOL.

From my 3FC posting this morning (how lazy am I that I can't make a fresh blog entry and instead just copy/paste what I already wrote somewhere else hahahahah)

I think my whoosh from last week is being revisited (despite that it all came back since then). I lost 2.5 lbs overnight LOL. The scale is so ridiculous. I hate depending on it for my little (but much needed!!!!) ego boosts in the mornings where I am actually down. Yesterday I drank 144 oz of water before leaving my office - I think that might have had something to do with it.

Side note on a cool scale thing and accountability: I bought a Withings scale back in March. It sends your weight for the day (and other data) to your phone via bluetooth so that you can look at reports and graphs over time. It is really satisfying! If you have weigh-loss buddies, you can also set it up to send the data to them and they can cheer you on.  Then I linked my Withings data to my MyFitnessPal account, so now my weight is sent right to MFP, and my calories are sent to my phone so I can compare the two data sets. And then I made a MyFitnessPal weight tracker (See my signature) that I never have to update. As soon as I step on the scale in the morning, my tracker automagically updates here! We live in the future!