Thursday, April 27, 2017

This morning's weight:236.6

Nice woosh this morning, but I do wonder if it is the real deal.  Guess I will know tomorrow morning!

I went through and updated some pages that are linked in the tabs at the top, namely the Plan, Goals, and Measurements pages.  It was all stuff I was going to write in my post today, but I've been working on it for over an hour so I'm not going to reiterate here.  My future self (and only reader of this blog) will just have to go back and look at those pages for where my head was today by looking there!

I have a Withings scale which I got back in April, and now I linked the scale's app to my Fitday page, which is linked to my tracker here on the top of this page.  It is so crazy that I weigh myself in the morning, and anyone who looks at this page or my posts on 3fc immediately know how much I weigh. Talk about serious, immediate accountability!!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

ReBooting is Hard to Do

This morning's weight: 241.9

I made the sad decision to update my signature on 3FC to more accurately reflect my journey.  It used to be so full of progress and things to be impressed with =(  I just wanted to preserve it here so that I could take honest looks back one day:

Start Date: January 4, 2010, 332 lbs.
100 pounds down: August 10, 2010
Onderland!: December 12, 2010
One Year later: 137 lbs lost
Half of me (166 lbs. lost & weight): June 5, 2011
ReStart February 2017 253.6 
Normal BMI (140 lbs):
High maintenance weight 132:
Low maintenance weight (GOAL) 127:

So now it only has what currently matters:
Start Date: January 4, 2010 - 332 lbs.
Lowest Weight: December 19 2012 - 143.6 lbs.
ReStart! February 2017 - 253.6 lbs.
Goals: 'Normal' BMI, 140 lbs // Maintenance weight, 132 lbs


le-motherfuckin'-sigh

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

This morning's weight: 242.1

Working on something new; stay tuned for more info!

For now, suffice it to say that I gained up to 256, but have lost 14ish pounds since trying to make positive changes again.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

I started reading a cool, free, e-book yesterday.  It's so awesome!  I can recommend it for anyone that struggles with food.  And also has a good sense of humor.  It's a little 41 page PDF entitled, "Fuck Calories and Other Dietary Heresies". It is a lovely answer to my angst about counting calories, knowing I probably should, but really really REALLY not wanting to.  The bottom line seems to be: be mindful not only what you eat, and how you eat it.

I tried following some of the tips, and had a successful day yesterday.  No ranting at myself!  That is a huge positive :) . I guess we will know in a few days if it is making a difference when I do a 1-week weigh in on Tuesday.

Monday, November 2, 2015

I have so much on my mind, I don't know where to start or how to make this post sound like anything sensical.  You will just have to bear with whatever it is that I manage to spew out. =)

I spend a lot of time beating myself up over what I have eaten.  Yes, I have been doing that since the day that I stopped losing weight and slowly started gaining (a lovely grand total of 82 pounds gained since winter 2011. Pathetic).

These self-punching-bag sessions usually start at about 4am when I inevitably wake up in the morning (with an hour and a half to spare grrrrr).  Horrible thoughts just start spinning around - why did you eat that?  Why couldn't you control yourself?  Why did you not count calories like you promised yourself you would?  Why?  why WHY?  Fast-forward to that very evening and I am at the peanut butter jar again. It is an ugly, viscous cycle that I have been trying to get a handle on for 3 fucking years, and I have been failing all along.

Some good things though:  I am still sugar-free.  And I am very very low carb still - no bread, no rice, no potatoes, the only fruit I eat is berries, sparingly, and only the lower carb veggies (so no carrots or red peppers etc).  I have had 1 "cheat" weekend in an effort to rev up my metabolism (fail...) and I think 2 other occasions where I ate crackers.  Other than that, I am on track with WHAT I eat.  I know the problem is HOW MUCH I eat of everything that is on my "ok" list.

I am hoping that knowing the problem and attempting to address it will help me in getting back to the healthier person I was 3 years ago.  I think the other part of my problem is a lack of accountability.

First and foremost, I don't hold myself accountable "in the moment"; this accountability always come out in the aforementioned middle-of-the-night ranting..  So,  I need to work on being in the moment when I am about to eat something and really deciding if I need it, if I want it, or am just on autopilot and shoving food down my throat out of habit.  I fear that this is really the root of my problem.  I am convinced I have a mental condition that just wants me to put food in my mouth and damn the consequences.

Second, keeping track of calories is hard. And annoying.  And I am terribly lazy.  I worked sooooo hard in the years I was losing weight, tracking every morsel and all.  It wore me down to a nub.   I have my breakfast and lunch (during the work week) down to a science.  I have exactly 522 calories every day before leaving for home in the evenings.  I have been on this schedule for about a month now and it is working.  I am hoping that I can commit to myself to track calories for just the half day after I leave my office.

Third, when I was losing the weight in the first place, I not only had TONS of goals (now I only have 1: get back to where I was) but I also had these mean little thoughts about "proving" my mom and my doctor wrong that I would never lose weight.  So, there was a lot of outwardly-directed anger that was actually pretty helpful.  Now all my anger is directed inward and I feel like that is working against me.

So, as of this morning my plan is pretty simple: 1) stay in the moment when eating, and 2) count the calories that make it into my mouth while 3) being accountable, not angry, at myself and 4) lean on the support that I have been ignoring for the past years i.e. 3FC threads.  and maybe 5) come up with some goals.

Now I am tired and feel spent, really thinking about all of this and then writing it all down.

One day at a time I suppose.

If anyone out there is actually reading this, I could use any support you feel like giving :)



Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Some measurements for posterity!

This morning's weight: 201.8 (but 207 at the docs 6 hours later.  Bodies are the silliest)

5/28/14 Cholesterol 188
5/28/14 123 / 82
8/12/14 Electrolytes all came back within normal range
8/12/14 Calcium 8.7 (too low by .1)


I haven't yet gone over 50 net carbs, but I also haven't met my calorie restrictions; I am having too much fun with cream :( After so many years of no fat, its like perma-party up in here.

I better crack down if I want to see some actual weight loss...

Monday, August 11, 2014

Keto Calculator

This morning's weight: 203.8

I went to http://keto-calculator.ankerl.com/ to get my goals, and this is what it looks like for me:

 personal macros:
1325kcal Daily Calorie Intake
40g Carbohydrates (12%, 160 kcal)
80g Protein (24%, 320 kcal)
94g Fat (64%, 845 kcal)
here is a visual representation of  macros and  deficit. The size of each area is correctly scaled based on my ratios.

Weight MaintainenceYour TargetDeficit
1892 kcal1325 kcal567 kcal
1892
12.1%24.2%63.8%
567