Saturday, August 21, 2010

What a Difference a Year Makes

I cried a little.

click for the full size version

Also, the wedding pictures came back. I'm only in one and I don't really have a full body max-weight pre-picture for comparison, but these two will prolly get the point across:

August 2010, ~231 pounds
So, I'm looking much healthier! Horay!  I'll start putting more pictures up in the "progress pics" page now that I took the plunge with posting these photos.  Can't wait to see the differences in another year!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Another day, another NSV

Oh TOM, how I do despise you.  I had the crankies (bless the hubs for his unending patience), and I conquered the cramps (oh Advil, you are my friend), but there is just NOTHING to be done for the stupid water retention and weight gain that comes along with it.  Except ignore it!  So that's what I am doing.  I am not stepping on the stupid scale again this week. Sunday I will weigh myself as usual, but I'll be a monkey's uncle if I am going to pay any attention to the number. 

Unless it is down of course.  HA!!

Onto the good stuff.

When I started this journey, I was in a snug 26/28 jean - the largest size carried in-store at Lane Bryant (I actually didn't know that until recently).  On Saturday, I was antsy to accomplish something (TOM again.  Stupid jerk uterus /grumble) so I decided to go exchange the size 16/average jeans I bought 2 or so months ago (which were too tight at the time) in order to get a 16/petite since I didn't feel like hemming.  I didn't bother trying them on until I got home.  Guess what.  They FIT.  They fit with ROOM TO SPARE.  Not that I needed a belt or anything, but I could breath and I didn't feel like I painted on my pants for the day.  And size 16 is the smallest size they carry in-store.  In 7.5 months, I went from LB max size to LB minimum size. That is an awesome feeling.

I wore them to work on Monday and boy howdy did I get a lot of comments!  I have been pretty much in skirts almost exclusively lately and it hides the weight loss.  Wearing those jeans... I had to give the "this is what I am doing to lose weight" speech no less than THREE times.  First time was fun, after that it got a little repetitive.  Oh well.  The price I pay for being a success - she says while fanning herself and rolling her eyes.  (I kid :) )

I had an interesting reaction to this blog the other day.  For the most part, this is my "secret" blog that I keep very separate from the rest of my life.  I actually have 2 other blogs -  a cooking blog and a crafting blog.  I am fairly active in the crafting and gaming communities that I am a part of.  Plus, my whole family is pretty tech savvy.  Nobody knows about gift4myself though.  This is mainly because I am a pretty private person, and weight / health is such a personal matter to me.  Since I  have been a fatty my whole life and have been treated a certain way because of it, I  tend to hold things back out of fear of failure and straight up embarrassment - admitting I am fat in the first place always felt like admitting to failure.

I finally branched out a bit and gave this link to a friend, the first person I have done so with.   I did not expect to hear that this blog made her cry.  Her tears were for her own reasons, but, it's just shocking to hear that reaction.  I mean this blog to serve as motivation as other blogs have motivated me, and as a way for me to keep track of my own feelings and progress throughout the journey.  I told her I didn't know how to react.  I still don't know how to react and it's been days.  I guess I am glad on the one hand to have moved someone.  On the other, I made someone cry, and that doesn't make me feel good.  I guess I just need to think on it more

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Big Reveal: Here's How It Went...

Not as expected! I guess talking about your weight, even when it is very positive is a touchy subject and people don't want to say anything right away.  My husband predicted this. I was completely surprised.  So, in the order that I saw people, here are the reactions.

Sister in Law : Didn't say a word at first.  I got a hug and a kiss and a "so nice to see you".

Brother: was surfing and we met them at the beach.  I had to kind of crawl down a small rocky embankment so that was his first sighting of me.  When I got closer, his jaw - quite literally -  dropped.  This was the reaction I expected out of everybody.  He said something along the lines of, "oh my God.  You are such an inspiration!  How did you do this you look so wonderful!"   I got many hugs and he kept pushing me out and giving me the once over saying "I cant believe it!.. can you believe this?"  That's when I finally got the reaction out of the sister-in-law.  She started fawning over me too.  Total ego booster!

Step-Dad: never said anything.  We don't hang out or talk too much though, so this really isn't surprising.

Mom: Didn't say anything at first.  I have her very well trained not to mention anything about appearance to me.  She is excruciatingly nit-picky.  In the past, no matter how good I may have looked, she'd comment on the zit on my chin, or that my shoes didn't quite match my bag.  And this is especially true about my life-long weight issue.   But 5 minutes later she pulled me aside and said,  "I know you don't want to hear it, but you look AMAZING".  And then came things along the lines of "I'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself!" All weekend long she was looking at me up and down.  It was such a great and nice feeling.

Dad: I didn't see him until the wedding.  He was amazed.  And then I got grilled on how I did it ALL NIGHT LONG and he told me he was going to start what I was doing just as soon as he was done with his Master Cleanse (which I think is a completely terrible, horrible thing to do to your body).  When I got home he had sent an email, part of which read, " You where the big surprise, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You go girl! I should do so well." I sent him a reply with info on a couple books and how he can figure out his daily caloric needs.

Uncle: This was the most heart warming response.  When I first saw him, he didn't say anything.  This was the father of the groom,  and he was quite busy being a social butterfly so I didn't see him again for a couple hours, at which point he pulled me aside.  He actually apologized for not saying something sooner because he was "overwhelmed by what he saw".  He asked me how I did it and I started explaining and he stopped me and said "You know what.  It doesn't matter.  You look healthy, and happy.  If you never lose another pound, or you lose 40 more, it doesn't matter.  You are amazing".  And he actually started tearing up.  He also commented that my husband was looking healthier since he was too thin before.  Ha!

Overall: when people asked me how I did it, I was so SO happy to be able to say very truthfully "I learned how to eat right".  For most people, this was enough, although they were all surprised that I wasn't following any diet in particular.  I was also surprised by how many people started offering me their weight loss advice / methods.  Uh hello - I've lost 101 pounds, pretty sure I know how to do it right.  Such a strange reactions to have.

In the end, I have been motivated to keep going.  I still have 80 pounds to go and have no intention of stopping now.  I have had my ego stroked, and my heart filled with joy seeing the people I love being proud of me and happier that I will be around longer.  I was definitely headed to an early death, and I think I am beyond that point now.

In the bad news section: no pictures!  I was hoping my mom still had pictures from November at my highest weight but she couldn't find them.  And there were only the professional photographers taking pictures of the event itself, so no after pictures either (although, I am going to ask for one picture that was all of teh cousins and our families; I want to have it framed).  Can you believe it?  I think I am going to have husband take some current pics (maybe even get dressed back up in the cute dress - which I ended up wearing as a skirt by the way - long story) just so I can have something to put up in the progress tab.

This has gotten way too long so I suppose I'll get a move on.  One last thing: I didn't calorie count all weekend.  But I weighed myself yesterday morning to see how I did.  I'm down another 3 pounds for a total of 104.4 loss.  YEEHAW

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Big Weekend!

This is the dress I am wearing this weekend:

(Cross posted from a 3fc post) Why is this a big deal you ask?   I haven't seen my family since November. I started my healthy living journey in January and didn't tell any of them about it. So, tomorrow when I walk into my moms house, she is going to see me 101.2 pounds less fat than the last time she saw me. And she has no idea.

I have been dreaming about this moment since the beginning. It has been a huge motivator for me to keep going - to see just how long I could keep quiet before next seeing anyone (and, by the way, I am going to a family wedding on Sunday, so it's my ENTIRE immediate as well as extended family and family friends I am going to be seeing for the first time).

When I get back, I hope I have pics so I can post progress pics section. The only pictures I have of me as max weight were taken in November by my mom, and I haven't wanted to ask her for them so I wouldn't clue her in. Plus, I will have the wedding photos as my current pics so it will be a good comparison.

I am nervous, and excited. And, despite that I know that 100 pound loss is huge and I AM proud, part of me is doubting my choice of dress as I feel like people will look at me and think, "she has lost a lot of weight, but she can't pull THAT off" - its a sleeveless number but its so cute.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I'm Still Going

When I started this whole gung-ho, let's get healthy business, it absolutely CONSUMED my every waking thought.  I needed this blog to have someone to talk to (you know what I mean).  I felt it was extremely important that I keep myself on track and thinking / dreaming about health and weighloss or I would fail miserable.

Here I am, exactly 7 months into the journey and 99 or so pounds down (I know I am retaining water right now as I have had a salt-tooth for the past week like you would not believe so I'm probably more like 102 down but that is not what the scale is telling me.  But I digress...).  I am a success.  A success with at least another year to go, but a success. I don't find myself obsessing over weight loss like I did in the beginning.  I can be much more lax about how I eat - which is not to say that I have diverged on my calories or how good I eat, what I mean is, it has become second nature.  I would no sooner over eat my calories as I would reach for a piece of cake.  I know how much I can take and how to prepare foods in such a way that at the end of the day, I am at about 1400 calories whether I count throughout the day or not.

The desire to "cheat" has never been present and still does not exist for me.  The closest I came was red velvet cupcakes mounded with cream cheese frosting that I almost gave into, but instead took a deep smell and had a piece of fruit. 

I am extremely proud of myself for my continued mindset.  On top of healthy eating becoming second nature to me, I am not as frustrated by seeing the very slow decline in weight.  I am averaging 2 pounds a week and a barely blinked an eye this week when I saw I was only down .2; I know my eating was spot on and next week will probably make up for the lack of a huge loss.

Now that I am not as obsessed witht he weight loss, I find myself getting into other things. I am back into gamign with the husband, and I am doing more with my art.  All in all good times.

This means I will probably be scantily updating this blog from here on out.  I am keeping the pages up to date (with weights and goals), and I will be posting progress pictures after this weekend's big reveal - going to see my family who have no idea that I have lost any weight, let alone 100 pounds.  Should be fun!  Chances are that will be blogged about as I predict its going to be an awesome NSV :)