It is amazing how one bad choice (or epic fuck-up depending on my state of mind) can screw up progress and forward momentum spanning two full weeks. Today is the first day that my weight has been down since the end of June. My oil-bomb potato breakfast really messed up my tummy for days, and then messed up my state of mind for more days. I didn't count calories perfectly on 4 different days over these last 2 weeks as a result of that breakfast 2 Mondays ago, and so I know I had more than my 1200 allotment. This has left me feeling very negatively about myself, my progress, and my desire to even keep up with trying to get healthy. I have been contemplating just getting a nice high quality loaf of bread and having myself a mouth party even though I know that thus would begin a downward spiral that I may not be able to crawl out of.
This is addiction. And I hate it.
It is really unfair that people can enjoy food in a safe and healthy way, and I am punished by bad brain chemistry, or genetics, or just a poor upbringing around food so much so that I can't just enjoy the thing that I enjoy the most.
I'm not sure that this current temper tantrum is quite over yet, but I am done writing about it for today. I am just mad.
tracker
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