The Final Push?

They aren't kidding about the last few pounds being the hardest.  This journey has not been truly difficult until the last few months, and even then, I know it is because I am not a patient person.  I accepted the slow down and pushed myself harder.  I've tried different calories, and have been keeping up with exercise. 

Last time I wrote, I was cutting down my calories to around 1200 - the lowest you are supposed to go.  I found I was getting very tired, and I was cold a LOT more. But, I did lose like 6 pounds that month.  Regardless of the success, I just don't have it in me to have that low of energy in my body.  So then I upped it to 14-1600, but the reality is I was doing more like 1800 because I get great satisfaction from having a dessert at night (a hot cup [or 3] of almond milk with Torani's sugar free flavored syrup, or a bowl of my NiceCream - frozen fruit blended with Stevia and almond milk, then topped with a tablespoon or 2 of coconut butter).  The result of that is that I have been stuck at the same weight for about a month now.  It seems that 1600-1800 is going to be my maintenance calorie number.  

Now, I know I am gaining muscle.  My arms and shoulders have definition and my thighs are pretty solid (under the remaining loose skin and fat) so there is a good chance that I am replacing some fat with muscle, but I am just not satisfied.  The intellectual in me KNOWS this is stupid. Numbers on the scale are just numbers and don't really mean much in the grand scheme of things when you are talking overall fitness.  But, I really want the satisfaction of seeing that I am in the "normal" BMI category which means I need to lose 10 pounds somehow.

I can see the excess fat anyway - so I won't be truly satisfied until the fat is gone.  If it is all replaced with muscle I would be quite happy - I would love to end up ripped :)  But, that is an aspect of my journey I am just starting to ponder and won't peruse it further until the fat is off.

I need to do a final push that I can really focus on so I am switching up my meals to have a less caloric breakfast (I got it down to 276 which includes my almond-mik in my coffee and my flax seed supplements, from 401). In this way, I think I can stick to 1400 for reals, and still have a dessert drink at night (probably not my NiceCream, but that's OK). I have to admit that I am hungry now because of this change, but it is almost lunch time.

Another thing I want to do is start running more, but the only way to do that on my schedule is to get a treadmill so I can run in the am - so this is a semi long-term goal as I need to save $$ before that can happen.  Those freaking things are EXPENSIVE but I think it will be worth it in the long run. Pun intended.

So here a very cool thing: I put on a size 4 skirt this weekend and I was able to zip it all the way up (it was tight, adn there was overhang, but that sipper was all the way up!).  CRAZY TALK.  I am in a 6 jeans now.  I hope I can get this excess flab under the loose skin off so I can actually get into a 4. 8 was my dream size, 6 was my wishful thinking size.  I never thought about 4 until now...

Doin' Great and Feelin' Fine!

It seems that the reduction of calories and increasing my activity has kick started my weight loss again.  HORAY!

Since I last posted, I have started jogging a FULL 5k (3.1+ miles) 3 times a week.  How cool is that!?  When I started, it was taking me roughly 42 minutes.  Now I am doing 38-39 minutes.  I am not pushing myself, it is jut sort of naturally speeding up on it's own, which is super cool.  I have also been good about my toning DVD and hilly walk on my non-run days.  And even about letting myself have a rest day when it is needed, usually just 1 day a week, but it is sometimes 2 days.

My hair is feeling and looking so much better.  It is not an tangled mass of thin straw anymore.  It is very silky.  I am not really seeing an increase in thickness of it yet;  if there is going to be thick increase, I won't see that for MONTHS as it starts growing back in.  But, I have noticed that my nails are growing at a phenomenal rate.  I hope that means the same is happening on my head.

It is REALLY hard for me to stick to 1200 calories a day, but I am trying hard.  I am letting myself have a bigger day on one weekend day (1500-1600) just to keep my body guessing.  I am far from perfect on this though.  My last week as been like this, calorie-wise:
Thur 1128
Fri 1181
Sat 1623
Sun 1259
Mon 1306
Tues 1364
So I have definite room for improvement since the average there is 1310.  It is just so hard since my breakfast is roughly 550 calories, I only have 700ish to spread across 2 more meals, and I usually want a snack - but I have been trying not to have one since that is always the reason my days go over 1200.  Oh well.. there is always room for improvement and this is where mine is right now.

Not much else is happening weight journey wise.  In non-related news, we are moving along with the house. Contractors have been coming out and I am expecting the bids to come pouring in soon.  We move in less than 2 months.  Exciting stuff!  This is my first home that is MINE - not rented, and not my parents.  So weird.

Until next time...

Wishy-Washy, Determined, or Re-evaluation Savvy?

I can't do it - I can't stop my weight-loss journey when I am 24 pounds from high-maintenance weight.  My friend told me I have mental issues and should seek help because I felt guilty about eating 1600-1800 calories.  I think she may be jealous (I think this is the case for other reasons than that one statement - she said a couple of nasties to me yesterday, but I am OK with it.  I know I have done something amazing here and it is bound to cause an issue with the person who was used to being the "thin" one in the relationship.)

So, knowing that I am not ready to stop regulating my calorie intake, but also have more than a little concern about my hair thinning due to mal-nutrition issues, I have done some re-working of current plans and short term goals.

I am being diligent bout taking my Healthy Skin & Hair-Nails supplements twice a day (never read that I was supposed to have it twice a day on the label before. Duh) and my multivitamin and calcium at night.  I have also added Flax Seed oil supplements to my routine (30 extra calories a day - worth it if it helps my hair).  I am committed to having salmon twice a week - which is no skin off my back. I love me some salmon.  And I am committed to protein in every meal.  I am having a harder time adding fat to every meal, but I think my flax seed supplements will take care of that need.  Also, I went out and spent a LOT (to me) of money on some special shampoo and conditioner that is made for thin hair, Nioxin.

My calorie commitment is 1200 a day.  Yup, I knocked it way the hell down.  I hope the last month of 16-1800 is going to break the plateau I was in, and now this deficit will get the ball rolling.  So far, day 1 of my new commitment (July 5) I managed 1380 - whoops.  Day 2 I did 1169 - much better!  Of course, I am going out to lunch today with a co-worker, so who knows what today will be, but I will try to keep it light (side salad and ceviche should be under 400 leaving my dinner free to be 400).

My exercise routine is going along well.  Every other day I am jogging 32:30 which is about 2.5 miles, then a 3minute break, then another 6.5 mins / .5 miles to finish up.  On off days, I have been following a Jackie somethingorother DVD with the free weights on abs and upper body for 30 minutes, then a 40 minute hill climb (an elevation change of + 400 feet in 1 mile of road)  in my neighborhood with the mutts.  That said, I am listening to my body, and if I am feeling worn down, I take a break day.  So far it has seemed like I do 3-4 workouts in a row, and then my body wants a rest day.  I am good with that.

New short term goal:  I am visiting the hubs family the first weekend of November.  It would be great to lose 4 pounds a month until then.  So my wishful goal is to be 152 by the first weekend of November.  I am still firmly in size 10, but can't wait for my jeans to start loosening up a bit so I can be in single digit clothing.  That's gonna be a weird day ;)

Until next time (and who knows what changes I will have made by then LOL)

Some scary decisions

My experimental higher calorie two weeks went really well.  I did feel like I was over indulging and went up to 1900 calories on some days (heh - that makes me feel wicked just saying it LOL).  I noticed that I did start having regular BMs almost immediately.  The next fortnight I am supposed to be dropping down to 1200 calories a day to make up for the higher calories weeks.  My plateau also broke, and I dropped down to 164.6 by the end of the 2 weeks

But, here is the decision I made.  I am not going to drop down that far.  In fact, I am upping my calories to 1600.  I think I am have been "hurting" myself for being so low, and so strict, for 18 months.  Between my hair thinning tremendously (I read this is from too low of fat), the BM issue, and the fact that I freezing cold all the time (not enough calories to spare to heat myself from my best guess) I am not doing something right.  My nutrition or something is all screwy.

So,  with a heavy sigh, I am going to put the breaks on the weight loss aspects of my healthy journey.  I am going into a weight maintenance mode for a while.  My concentration for the next while is going to be on 1) getting the nutrients (fat and protein mostly) that I need 2) changing up the exercise plan so I can start toning up some of this flab and 3) figuring out how to eat smaller, but more caloric, foods (that is, learning to STOP being a bulk eater).  I will still weigh myself of course, but I don't expect to see the number going down very much anymore.  I was hoping to be 140 by the end of this year, but that is no longer my goal.  My goal will be to get down to a size 8.  If that happens reasonably soon, I'll start working towards a size 6.

In a nutshell, the healthy goals for now are:

• Daily Calories 1600-1800 (current RMR is around 2100)
• Daily (good) fat intake: 53-60g
• Protein: 50g -60g
• Be better about taking my nighttime vitamins, and add cod liver oil
• Jogging - keep up what I am doing now (3.5 miles every other day, jog/walking)
• Free weight toning, plus hill climb with dogs on non-jogging days

Until next time :)

Half the woman I used to be. Literally.

I am reposting this here for posterity. I posted this over at 3FC in the mini-goals photo sections. the response over there has been so heartwarming, it makes me want to cry!

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I had a deal with myself that when I reached this mini-goal, I would post my pictures. I have been bouncing between 166.4 and 170 for 6 weeks now (trying to kick my first plateau while I was straddling this HUGE goal has been really discouraging, but I sallied forth!) This morning, I hopped on the scale and finally saw my magic number: 166 pounds which is also the amount of weight I have lost thus far. I weigh exactly half of what I weighed 18 months ago.

I still have 26 pounds to lose before I reach the "normal" BMI category. I am calling 140 lbs my 'high maintenance' weight. I am not sure how low I want to go weight-wise. I do know that I would like to get down to a size 6 (currently a size 10, down from a 26/28W), although I am pretty muscular so that may not be possible.

The pics are posted in the pictures area (see tabs above):

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In January 2010 I had had enough. I weighed 332 lbs, was diagnosed as diabetic (just barely over the line for that diagnosis), had fatty liver disease, and had trouble walking a block. I lived with aches and pains day in and day out (I realized this later - at the time, I just thought pain and discomfort were part of everyone's life). I was also scared that my husband, who is 12 years younger than me, would be left wifeless at an early age if I didn’t straighten up and get healthy. I toyed with the idea of surgery but after a couple of days of investigating, I realized that that was not a healthy option for me. Although I had never attempted to "diet" before, I knew I could make healthy life changes that would result in weight loss. I have called what I am doing my "sheer strength of will plan" from day one.

I started clean eating and calorie counting (about 1400 a day, but that number has varied over time). I stopped consuming sugars, white flour products, and 95% of processed foods in general. I limited meat to 4oz or less a day. The reason I went the clean eating route was pretty simple: with only 1400 calories allotted, I had to be able to fit in all the nutritional requirements our bodies need in a compact way. I used Superfoods RX and In Defense of Food as my manuals for proper eating. Additionally, I am a bulk eater - I love the feeling of being full (which is actually a habit I am trying to break now, but that is a subject for a different post). The easiest way to get full on fewer calories is to eat loads of veggies, which I do to the tune of 9-12 servings a day. It helps that I LOVE to cook, and I am really good at it. I have been able to make really great meals using mostly veggies, very little oil, and healthy alternatives to higher calorie ingredients.

Within a month of making these changes, I was down 27 pounds and was no longer diabetic. I lost 137 pounds in the first year on eating habits alone. Three months ago I had an MRI done and my fatty liver striations and tumors have cleared up, so I am no longer considered having fatty liver disease. I could list a lot of negative things here that I no longer have; my list of "things I didn't know I couldn't do but now that I can I am amazed" would be twice as long.

In January 2011 I started to exercise. I started just by taking 20 minute walks. Then I added some distance. Soon, I added small bursts of light jogging. I started out at 15 seconds of jogging followed by 8 minutes of walking for 4 cycles. I thought I was going to die Over time, I added to the jogging by 30 seconds, while taking away from the walking and have continued this pattern. Today, I jog for 32 minutes, walk for 3 minutes and then finish with another 6.5 minute jog (about 3.5 miles total). I do this every other day. My goal is to be able jog the whole distance and once that is reached, I will start working on speed. I am trying to work up the motivation to add free weight toning on my off-running days, but I am having a really hard time starting.

Shaking Things Up

I think I need to shake things up with my diet and exercise routine. I feel like I have just stumbled upon my first real plateau. This is what my weight ups and downs have looked like in the past month:

May 8: 167.8 (-3.0)
May 15: 170.2 (+2.8)
May 22: 167.6 (-3.0)
May 29: 168.4 (+0.8)
June 5: 166.4 (-2.0)
net = (-1.4) in 4 weeks

My calorie intake is right around 1400 a day (sometimes I go slightly over, and just as often I go under). My BMR should be 1500ish. I should easily be losing a pound a week, and more so considering how much running I have been doing.

After doing a lot of reading, it seems that my body may just be used to my routine after doing pretty much the same things for the last 18 months. So, here is my shake it up plan, using methods that I have read about which seemed to help people break plateaus.

June 4 - June 18 = Increase daily calorie intake 1600 to 1800 a day, making sure to get lots of good fats and see if that makes a difference in my BM habits. Stick with the same amount of exercise (2 miles running, 1 mile walking, every other day). I will not be surprised if I don't lose any weight in the next two weeks. I think even at 1800 there should not be any gain (there better not be...)

June 19 and onwards: Crackdown time! Calories back down to 1200-1400 a day. Limit fruit to 2 servings a day (ie apple or strawberries for breakfast, prunes with lunch). Lunch to be protein and veggies. Dinner protein and veggies. (If calories allow, Punkin P-ice cream is back on the map). Try not to eat past 8pm (this is hard for me since I exercise after work and don't generally get back home until 6:30 which means dinner isn't even done 'til 7pm, but I'm going to try). Snacking and tasties will need to stop. I account for them, but it will be added calories I wont have any longer.

Exercise: free-weight toning DVDs have been acquired, so will begin these on the off days from running. Will start pushing for longer run time vs the walk portion.

Also, I am officially in size 10 jeans. Freaking crazy talk!

Living

Gosh I didn't notice that a whole month+ has passed since my last blog post! Time is just flying by.

Not a lot has changed since my last post.  I did make it to "overweight" status 2 weeks ago, so that's awesome!  I really put an emphasis on the word "overweight" vs "obese" in my last post.  Now that I am on other side of the goal, I feel differently.  The BMI scales are so ridiculous that I don't put all that much celebration in the status itself, it's just another goal I met in my long list of goals :)  Weirdness to have that change of heart.

I weighed in at 167.8 last weekend, a mere 1.8 pound from my huge 166 goal.  Of course, now I am back up to 170.2 as of a couple days ago.  My eating has been fine, although I did have a couple days where my calories were up around 1500.  I also had a couple days in the 1100s, so it's not fat weight, its either water weight, muscle weight, or poop.

TMI moment: I don't poop nearly enough.  I feel bloated and gassy and full like ALL the time.  I think it is because I have almost 0 fat intake. I am trying to remedy that by having 2% yogurt (instead of fat free) at lunches, and trying to use more oil when I make stir-frys (instead of dry pans or sprays) but it's not really helping.  I think I may start drinking prune juice, but I really hate squandering calories on juice.  Honestly, only having a BM once every 3 or 4 days, and it not being very much is really starting to get tiring.  So I may just have to trade off dessert for juice a couple times a week =( Sucketh.

About the idea it may be muscle weight, I have really upped my exercise regimen a lot in the last 5 weeks.  I am doing 6:30-7:00 mins of jogging (which I lovingly refer to as my grandma jog because it is slow and ponderous still at this point) to 1-1:30 mins of walking now, which is roughly two full miles over 30 minutes. How cool is that?! I have also changed my route in that I am on a trail with quite a bit of elevation change for two of the cycles.  In addition, I found a hiking trail that I am trying to hit on my off days which is a 700 foot elevation change over 2 miles (give or take), so its a HUGE workout on my legs.  I have only done it a couple times now due to the stupid rain, but it is a regimen that I am looking forward to keeping up.  In any case, my legs are getting pretty solid under this layer of fat!

I found myself thinking about discovering these hikes and nature paths due to me getting out to exercise.  And more importantly, being physically able to make it the 3/4 mile to the path, and up the huge 700 ft hill to the hike area.  I feel like I am finally living, maybe for the first time ever.  That sounds weird and cliche, but I can't think of something better.  Being physically able to do stuff I couldn't do before is liberating.  This is a whole new world and it is exciting for me to discover I am doing something I would never have thought possible before.

My next goal, aside from 166, is to keep up with the hikes, add another mile to my runs (and switch my route back to the flat surface street while I work up to it before switching back to the trail.. that shit is HARD), and be able to fit in 10s, if I am not already in 10s.  I haven't gone to try on clothes in a long while to know my size.  Maybe a visit to somewhere is in order and see if my goal needs to be to fit into 8s.  That would be rad.

The dreaded skin issues are really starting now.  It's so gross - but way better than when the skin was so fulll of fat.  Now, I still have plenty of weight to lose, so it's only going to get worse, but good gods, I have skin folds on my pubic region.  Nobody told me that was going to happen!  The underneath of my arms are starting to look like a stretched balloon after deflation, and my ass/thigh region is all wrinkly. I need a full friggen' body lift.  Oh and don't get me started on the boobs.  I used to be a 44H, now I am a 32DDD.  Talk about sagging... although, I did get a couple of terrific bras and they totally look great under clothes, so there is that.

In non-weight news, we made an offer on a house and it sounds like the bank accepted the offer.  We are going to hear about it very soon methinks.  Very exciting!  Between the health and weight loss lifestyle (which is both time and mentally consuming), switching gears into home remodel/decor mode, and doing my jewelry making, my life is getting pretty hectic!