218.1

It is amazing how one bad choice (or epic fuck-up depending on my state of mind) can screw up progress and forward momentum spanning two full weeks.  Today is the first day that my weight has been down since the end of June.  My oil-bomb potato breakfast really messed up my tummy for days, and then messed up my state of mind for more days.  I didn't count calories perfectly on 4 different days over these last 2 weeks as a result of that breakfast 2 Mondays ago, and so I know I had more than my 1200 allotment.   This has left me feeling very negatively about myself, my progress, and my desire to even keep up with trying to get healthy.  I have been contemplating just getting a nice high quality loaf of bread and having myself a mouth party even though I know that thus would begin a downward spiral that I may not be able to crawl out of.

This is addiction.  And I hate it.

It is really unfair that people can enjoy food in a safe and healthy way, and I am punished by bad brain chemistry, or genetics, or just a poor upbringing around food so much so that I can't just enjoy the thing that I enjoy the most.

I'm not sure that this current temper tantrum is quite over yet, but I am done writing about it for today.  I am just mad.

218.8

I am not too pleased with how the weekend went. I had guests over on Saturday night where I made a decision not to count calories and def overate because of it (but it was all whole food, plant based so at least I have that going for me). Then I had a last-minute surprise visit from my brother and his family and ended up out to breakfast with them where the only thing on the menu I could eat was hash brown potatoes and a side of fruit. I haven't had a single drop of oil since February and then basically had a plate of grease for breakfast. I still feel disgusting. I have been so tired, queasy, grumpy, and - tmi - pretty bad digestion issues for 3 days in a row. Even Smooth Move tea didn't help move things along. So 'bloated' is an understatement and constant tummy discomfort has become my reality.

LESSON LEARNED.

And its my weekly weigh in. I am up 0.2 lbs. I am not surprised and very disappointed with myself =(

06/28: 218.6
06/29: 218.5 (-0.1)
06/30: 218.4 (-0.1)
7/01: 218.4 (0.0)
7/02: 218.7 (+0.3)
7/03: no data
7/04: 219 (+0.3)
7/05: 218.8 (-0.2) [week: +0.2]