A friend of mine asked me for info about my weight loss. I don't really tend to talk about it much since I am convinced most people would find it boring. But that conversation inspired me to update my "goals" and my "weights and measures" pages (see links, above). And to make an actual post.
I was doing well on foods until the 11-day staycation hit this last week. I was at 2k calories a day, pretty much every day, the whole time. I am too scared to get on the scale. But it's all good. I'll get on on Sunday and see what is what. That will give me a week to be on track so I won't feel so bad when I see I am up a pound or two - I'll know that I am in the process of being sorted. Oh the mind fuckery I do to myself...
I never make New Years Resolutions. I think they are stupid and a really good way to set yourself up for failure. Instead, I took some time this morning to reevaluate where I am and where I want to be. As it turns out, I really just want to maintain. Maintenance so far has proven hard. Yes, I lost like 2 pounds in the last 3 months, but I am considering that maintenance since I have not been exercising due to knee and being too damn cold all the time to go outside. And my calories have been more lax than I strictly should be if I was trying to aggressively lose weight. At least I know my maintenance range is 16-1800 a day.
Now, all that said, I did set some weight loss goals for myself and I WOULD like to meet them. Let's just say, my minimal goal is to maintain, my ultimate goal is to lose a bit more (12-17 pounds) over the course of 2012. With all that said. I figure a 1.4 pound loss a month will get me to my low low low goal by years end and I think a healthy thing to shoot for. I won't be overdoing it, I can relax a little, but still have my control points (calorie and food restrictions) to keep me in line.
1.4 pounds = 4900 calorie deficit over the course of the month
=1225 deficit each week
=164 deficit a day
Which puts my daily intake at 1436 max a day. I can do that.
My trouble is later at night. I want dessert SO BAD. Sure my desert is frozen fruit with various nut and nut butter toppings, but I desire it like crazy. My brain just goes into stupid FEED ME MODE as soon as I eat dinner. I am not sure what is up with that. I am sure I don't like it. I have very little control over it. It is the strangest thing. I can talk to myself (and I do) say things like "this puts you over calories you know" and then I answer myself "fuck it". I hope resetting my goals and doing this eval this morning puts my head back in order.
I am also starting my walks up again today. I am starting back into my exercise regime slow and steady, just like I started it a year ago. I am not going to get back into running until after my knee gets looked at (getting my regular doc to look at it on Thursday next week, then hopefully onto a specialist ASAP). So at least the doggies are in for a treat. I miss my time hanging with them too, anyway. I just wish it didn't get dark so fast, and that I had more hills to climb near my new house.
On a final note, tomorrow is the 2-year anniversary of my living healthfully. I feel freaking fantastic. I love love love clothes shopping now and I get the cutest stuff off the rack at little boutiques (my husband, however, is NOT thrilled with this turn of events. HA!) I love sitting in curious positions with my legs pulled up. I love how clear my skin is and how soft my hair is (even though it is thinning). I love that I can walk for miles and not mind it. I love that I am lost in airplane seats now with multiple inches to either side of my hips. I love what I eat and how I have learned to cook magnificently and healthfully. I love that I can walk between closely parked cars in the parking lot, closely sat tables in busy restaurants, and down crowded aisles between carts at the grocery store.
I do NOT love the feel of my bones poking into the back of my chair from my spine, or the bruises on my elbows from lack of padding when I lean, or the look of my bony chest and droopy-boobs, or the discomfort of my knees knocking together when I lay on my side, or the look of my veins being 3D in various places due to lack of padding. What wonderful problems to have =) Except being COLD TO THE BONE ALL THE TIME uuuuhhhggggg That sucks in a way I can't quite describe.
Until next time...
