Changing Body Image

I feel like I am not obsessing on the weight loss so much these days.  I think this is a a really positive turn of events.  The last 4+ months I have been thinking my body and numbers on the scale almost constantly.  I have also stopped thinking about food ALL the effing time.  It has always been the case with me that if I was not actively eating, I was thinking about what I could eat next.  With my lifestyle change, I was still thinking about food all the time, just healthier food, what I was going to make, and did I have enough healthy alternatives in the house to make sure that if I got the munchies I would be taken care of.

I havn't even been bothering getting on the scale more then 2-3 times a week lately, whereas I was on that stupid thing at least once a day at the beginning.  Good stuff!

I am starting to have body image issues though.  Don't scoff! I have been morbidly obese my entire adult life and I came to a very comfortable place with myself with the "I am who I am" approach and when I looked at the mirror, I didn't see a fatty, I just saw me and didn't think about the rolls of flesh.  When I look at the mirror now, all I see is the roll of flab around my middle, and the dropping pockets of fat at my inner thigh, and how fraking big my upper arms are.  I miss my innocent self that could look in the mirror and just say, "hey there is me!" and instead says "Jupiter's cock! you are so fat still and you have lost 72 pounds!".  Sad. 

I was talking to a woman in my office (one of my biggest supporters in this journey actually.  Between my two office mates who are also watching their figures, and all the folks at 3fc I have the raddest support system) about clothes. I am close to needing the next size down again.  I am going to try to wait until July when I go out of town.  I am guessing I will firmly be in the next size down then and I can splurge and buy a few nice outfits.  

Anyway, office mate and I were discussing Good Will as an option and I expressed my concern that I didn't think Good Will would have a decent variety of plus sized clothing.  She looked at me funny and informed me that when I am one more size down, I am no longer going to be plus sized.  Why this struck me as so crazy, I don't know, but it did, and it does.  Where the hell am I going to shop! I've been in exclusively Lane Bryant and Torrid for 10+ YEARS.  I checked Old Navy and apparently their XL is actually size 18-20 which is what I am moving out of.  Going to shop at different stores seems really scary to me.  I can't wrap my head around it.  Am I ridiculous?  My little safety bubble (of fat, as it were) is slowly being honed away and I feel at a loss.