218.1

It is amazing how one bad choice (or epic fuck-up depending on my state of mind) can screw up progress and forward momentum spanning two full weeks.  Today is the first day that my weight has been down since the end of June.  My oil-bomb potato breakfast really messed up my tummy for days, and then messed up my state of mind for more days.  I didn't count calories perfectly on 4 different days over these last 2 weeks as a result of that breakfast 2 Mondays ago, and so I know I had more than my 1200 allotment.   This has left me feeling very negatively about myself, my progress, and my desire to even keep up with trying to get healthy.  I have been contemplating just getting a nice high quality loaf of bread and having myself a mouth party even though I know that thus would begin a downward spiral that I may not be able to crawl out of.

This is addiction.  And I hate it.

It is really unfair that people can enjoy food in a safe and healthy way, and I am punished by bad brain chemistry, or genetics, or just a poor upbringing around food so much so that I can't just enjoy the thing that I enjoy the most.

I'm not sure that this current temper tantrum is quite over yet, but I am done writing about it for today.  I am just mad.

218.8

I am not too pleased with how the weekend went. I had guests over on Saturday night where I made a decision not to count calories and def overate because of it (but it was all whole food, plant based so at least I have that going for me). Then I had a last-minute surprise visit from my brother and his family and ended up out to breakfast with them where the only thing on the menu I could eat was hash brown potatoes and a side of fruit. I haven't had a single drop of oil since February and then basically had a plate of grease for breakfast. I still feel disgusting. I have been so tired, queasy, grumpy, and - tmi - pretty bad digestion issues for 3 days in a row. Even Smooth Move tea didn't help move things along. So 'bloated' is an understatement and constant tummy discomfort has become my reality.

LESSON LEARNED.

And its my weekly weigh in. I am up 0.2 lbs. I am not surprised and very disappointed with myself =(

06/28: 218.6
06/29: 218.5 (-0.1)
06/30: 218.4 (-0.1)
7/01: 218.4 (0.0)
7/02: 218.7 (+0.3)
7/03: no data
7/04: 219 (+0.3)
7/05: 218.8 (-0.2) [week: +0.2]

218.6

Today is my Wednesday Weekly Weigh In and - WOW- I had a good week! The prior 2 weeks were pretty annoying due to an irregular cycle, but it got made up for now. I lost -drum roll please- ... 3.6 pounds this week!! Huzzah! I am hoping to hit my -10lbs/month goal for June, but only have 48 hours in which to meet it by losing another half pound, but hey, miracles sometimes happen. I find it so amazing that I am losing pounds at the same rate as the last time aroudn in 2010, but without any exercise at all this time. Weight loss really is all about what you put in your mouth (but, of course, I know fitness is mostly about exercise. I never claimed I was getting fit - HA!)

I am STILL having a really horrid time trying to get into the other self-care habits (journaling, meditation, etc) that SPT says I should be doing to help make this a lasting endeavor. I am trying though! I moved my journals and my book of meditations out of the bedroom (where I almost immediately fall asleep every night) out to my desk in the living room. I am going to try to get into the habit of doing that stuff last thing before going into the bedroom. Maybe it will help.

weekly recap:

06/21: 222.2 (+0.1)
06/22: 219.5 (-2.7)
06/23: 219.8 (+0.3)
06/24: no data
06/25: 220.5 (+0.7)
06/26: 221.0 (+0.5)
06/27: 219.9 (-1.1)
06/28: 218.6 (-1.3) [week: -3.6]

222.2

Well The Never Ending Period is still beleaguering me. As I suspected, just because it came a week early in no way indicated it would go away a week early, so here I am retaining water and hard-core jonesing for salt like a mad woman. I have been having bouillon instead of my hot tea, and pickles as part of my meal for the last 3 days. I don't even want to tell you what the scale is doing this week! But I will.  It's is 100% water-weight and I even feel puffy, especially in my fingers. I'm looking forward to next week when I will finally be able to see the work I put in this week pay off, because I sure as heck am not seeing it now.  Check this stupidness out:

06/14: 223.8
06/15: 222.5 (-1.3)
06/16: 223.5 (+1.0)
06/17: 222.9 (-0.6)
06/18:  (something around 227, I didn't bother to record it)
06/19: 227.4 (+4.5)
06/20: 222.1 (-5.3)
06/21: 222.2 (+0.1)

In the end, I am down 1.6 for the week which is just shy of my 2 lb goal.  I am really hoping that  next week will show a much bigger drop once I stop being so freaking hormone-y.

The period-munchies did a number to me this weekend too. I had guests over for a small dinner party and I made fixin's for DIY vegan tacos and nachos. I managed to stay strong and not have any tortillas and made myself a taco-salad instead (OK I had 1 broken chip for the taste.  It was good, but not good enough for me to ruin things by having more than that taste). But, I did not weigh and measure so I know I overate. I also munched on cherries and strawberries while we watched a movie (set up the outdoor projector and watched a movie under the stars. It was awesome!) and I know I WAY overate those.

I did have a talk with myself beforehand and decided that I would be a little looser that night with the understanding that the next day it was back on track no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not want this dinner to turn into a defeatist binge if it turned out I felt uncomfortable weighing my food in front of people. I forgive myself this small transgression, and I will move forward successfully for the rest of the week.

Last night I was either super-hungry, or I had acid-belly that felt like hunger.  I am not sure which it was but I ended up drinking 2 glasses of almond milk and then I had 2 mugs of bouillon.  It helped, but it also may be the cause of why I went up 0.1 lbs overnight instead of seeing a loss on the scale. I really need to stay strong - at least on Tuesday nights when I know I am doing my weekly weigh-in the next morning.

I am trying to incorporate some more of the the BLE strategies for successful weight-loss, namely, the parts that aren't food related but more spirit related.  I picked up a journal for my daily thoughts, a 5-year journal and a couple of meditation books.  These are activities that you are supposed to do in the AM and PM so to get into a routine of self-care.  So far I managed one of the PM activities, and then played catch-up for two nights in a row.  I really need to figure out how to make the habit stick as I really believe Susan has it figured out!

223.8

Eesh it's been 2 weeks since I blogged? Whoopsadoodles! I have been keeping up with daily check-ins at 3FC and in the last week a reddit forum for BLE users. So far it is just me and one person, but every little bit of accountability is great for me.

I have been SO HUNGRY the last 4-5 days. I am trying very hard to stay on track and not overeat. It is related to TOM, but dang it is so hard to control even though I know with my brain what is going on, my body is being a huge jerk. I couldn't help myself at the grocery in the end and bought 2 plums and a bag of cherries that were not on my pre-planned list last weekend. I managed to not go crazy and eat all the cherries, but I am disappointed that I couldn't mind-over-matter my burning desire to buy them when they weren't on my meal plans. This was also the first time in 7 weeks where I ate outside of designated mealtimes, which is a line I am trying not to cross in my quest to beat food addiction.

For whatever reason, I have had a LOT of energy the past few days. I am at my office 10.5 hours a day, and I have an hour commute each way on top of that. I am usually completely zonked out by the time I get home in the evenings. Normally, I just plop my butt down and play video games for a couple hours until bed time. But, Monday night I got home and ended up doing some serious gardening for about an hour and a half (and I hurt my hip doing it, but that's a whole 'nother thing). And then last night on my drive home I was pretty much dancing in my seat listening to music, and when I finally got home I immediately got my puppers ready for a walk and headed to the beach and ended up walking up the cliffs a bit too; I ended up being out and about for over an hour! So weird, but I am not complaining. I love it and I hope that it continues every day!!

Scale wise, with TOM coming a week early and plaguing me for what I expect will be the full two weeks, I have been ignoring the scale as it crept up up up. But this morning when I weighed I had dropped everything that I was holding onto, plus some, so my official total loss for the week is 2.2 pounds.

I did just watch a fabulous blog from Susan Pierce Thompson on building flexibility into rules which I think I am going to start employing. For example, that hard rule that I do not eat between meals that I have broken twice in the last week, I was very disappointed with myself even though it was just 5 cherries on one day, and two plums on the other. I think my new rule will be: I will will only eat at meals times 95% of the time. That way, if I eat a tad away from meal time, I haven't broken my rule and I can still be in my all-or-nothing mindset without falling off the wagon.

I am going to try to employ a few more of the BLE lifestyle suggestions.  I have had little inklings of just giving up and eating what I want in the last week (period related?  Maybe, but I don't like it!). I have followed the brightlines very closely, and the meal plan is really my own makings but it does follow the principles laid out in the book.  I am going to do the nightly journaling (3 things to be thankful for, 5 year journal, and nightly checklist).  I did buy some books of positive thinking for my morning routine, and I might do some meditation, but that might be a little cheesy for me yet.  I am def not going to start making my bed every day like her suggestion, at least not quite yet.  SO that is my next set of goals: make the evening journaling and the morning positivity part of my life.

Oh and my husband stopped me mid-stretch today to ask me how much weight I've lost because he can see it.  30 pounds mofo!

227.9

Well, looks like my total loss for May is 11.8 pounds.  That is amazing!  I think that sans exercise, this is the absolute best I can expect.  I can't eat less than I am already eating (never more than 1250, sometimes falling as low as 1050), and with my metabolism the fucked thing that it is, I am really happy that I even eeked out this much.  This months loss is all thanks to following the path of Bright Line Eating, and a Whole Foods, Plant Based diet that is sugar and oil free.  Whatever was watching out for me this month lending me strength and power, please don't leave me!!  And in the likely reality that my brain is just getting on board with my heart, you two stay in contact. I haven't been this happy with myself in a super long time ;)


RECAP:
Feb 1: 253.6 (starting)
Mar 1: 252 (-1.6)
April 1: 245 (-7)

MAY:
05/01: 239.7 (-5.3)
05/02: 237.2 (-2.5)
05/03: 236.9 (-0.3)
05/04: 236.6 (-0.3)
05/05: 235.5 (-1.1)
05/06: 235.8 (+0.3)
05/07: 237.4 (+1.6)
05/08: 235.8 (-1.6)
05/09: 236.0 (+0.2)
05/10: 234.6 (-1.4)
05/11: 235.6 (+1.0)
05/12: 236.4 (+0.8)
05/13: 234.9 (-1.5)
05/14: 236.7 (+1.8)
05/15: 235.2 (-1.5)
05/16: 233.6 (-1.6)
05/17: 233.4 (-0.2)
05/18: 232.3 (-1.1)
05/19: 232.2 (-0.1)
05/20: 231.0 (-1.2)
05/21: -
05/22: 232.8 (+1.8)
05/23: 230.4 (-2.4)
05/24: 230.9 (+0.5)
05/25: 229.3 (-1.6)
05/26: 229.8 (+0.5)
05/27: 230.2 (+0.4)
05/28: 230.0 (-0.2)
05/29: 227.9 (-2.1)
05/30: 227.4 (-0.5)
05/31: 227.9 (+.05)