Some scary decisions

My experimental higher calorie two weeks went really well.  I did feel like I was over indulging and went up to 1900 calories on some days (heh - that makes me feel wicked just saying it LOL).  I noticed that I did start having regular BMs almost immediately.  The next fortnight I am supposed to be dropping down to 1200 calories a day to make up for the higher calories weeks.  My plateau also broke, and I dropped down to 164.6 by the end of the 2 weeks

But, here is the decision I made.  I am not going to drop down that far.  In fact, I am upping my calories to 1600.  I think I am have been "hurting" myself for being so low, and so strict, for 18 months.  Between my hair thinning tremendously (I read this is from too low of fat), the BM issue, and the fact that I freezing cold all the time (not enough calories to spare to heat myself from my best guess) I am not doing something right.  My nutrition or something is all screwy.

So,  with a heavy sigh, I am going to put the breaks on the weight loss aspects of my healthy journey.  I am going into a weight maintenance mode for a while.  My concentration for the next while is going to be on 1) getting the nutrients (fat and protein mostly) that I need 2) changing up the exercise plan so I can start toning up some of this flab and 3) figuring out how to eat smaller, but more caloric, foods (that is, learning to STOP being a bulk eater).  I will still weigh myself of course, but I don't expect to see the number going down very much anymore.  I was hoping to be 140 by the end of this year, but that is no longer my goal.  My goal will be to get down to a size 8.  If that happens reasonably soon, I'll start working towards a size 6.

In a nutshell, the healthy goals for now are:

• Daily Calories 1600-1800 (current RMR is around 2100)
• Daily (good) fat intake: 53-60g
• Protein: 50g -60g
• Be better about taking my nighttime vitamins, and add cod liver oil
• Jogging - keep up what I am doing now (3.5 miles every other day, jog/walking)
• Free weight toning, plus hill climb with dogs on non-jogging days

Until next time :)

Half the woman I used to be. Literally.

I am reposting this here for posterity. I posted this over at 3FC in the mini-goals photo sections. the response over there has been so heartwarming, it makes me want to cry!

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I had a deal with myself that when I reached this mini-goal, I would post my pictures. I have been bouncing between 166.4 and 170 for 6 weeks now (trying to kick my first plateau while I was straddling this HUGE goal has been really discouraging, but I sallied forth!) This morning, I hopped on the scale and finally saw my magic number: 166 pounds which is also the amount of weight I have lost thus far. I weigh exactly half of what I weighed 18 months ago.

I still have 26 pounds to lose before I reach the "normal" BMI category. I am calling 140 lbs my 'high maintenance' weight. I am not sure how low I want to go weight-wise. I do know that I would like to get down to a size 6 (currently a size 10, down from a 26/28W), although I am pretty muscular so that may not be possible.

The pics are posted in the pictures area (see tabs above):

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In January 2010 I had had enough. I weighed 332 lbs, was diagnosed as diabetic (just barely over the line for that diagnosis), had fatty liver disease, and had trouble walking a block. I lived with aches and pains day in and day out (I realized this later - at the time, I just thought pain and discomfort were part of everyone's life). I was also scared that my husband, who is 12 years younger than me, would be left wifeless at an early age if I didn’t straighten up and get healthy. I toyed with the idea of surgery but after a couple of days of investigating, I realized that that was not a healthy option for me. Although I had never attempted to "diet" before, I knew I could make healthy life changes that would result in weight loss. I have called what I am doing my "sheer strength of will plan" from day one.

I started clean eating and calorie counting (about 1400 a day, but that number has varied over time). I stopped consuming sugars, white flour products, and 95% of processed foods in general. I limited meat to 4oz or less a day. The reason I went the clean eating route was pretty simple: with only 1400 calories allotted, I had to be able to fit in all the nutritional requirements our bodies need in a compact way. I used Superfoods RX and In Defense of Food as my manuals for proper eating. Additionally, I am a bulk eater - I love the feeling of being full (which is actually a habit I am trying to break now, but that is a subject for a different post). The easiest way to get full on fewer calories is to eat loads of veggies, which I do to the tune of 9-12 servings a day. It helps that I LOVE to cook, and I am really good at it. I have been able to make really great meals using mostly veggies, very little oil, and healthy alternatives to higher calorie ingredients.

Within a month of making these changes, I was down 27 pounds and was no longer diabetic. I lost 137 pounds in the first year on eating habits alone. Three months ago I had an MRI done and my fatty liver striations and tumors have cleared up, so I am no longer considered having fatty liver disease. I could list a lot of negative things here that I no longer have; my list of "things I didn't know I couldn't do but now that I can I am amazed" would be twice as long.

In January 2011 I started to exercise. I started just by taking 20 minute walks. Then I added some distance. Soon, I added small bursts of light jogging. I started out at 15 seconds of jogging followed by 8 minutes of walking for 4 cycles. I thought I was going to die Over time, I added to the jogging by 30 seconds, while taking away from the walking and have continued this pattern. Today, I jog for 32 minutes, walk for 3 minutes and then finish with another 6.5 minute jog (about 3.5 miles total). I do this every other day. My goal is to be able jog the whole distance and once that is reached, I will start working on speed. I am trying to work up the motivation to add free weight toning on my off-running days, but I am having a really hard time starting.

Shaking Things Up

I think I need to shake things up with my diet and exercise routine. I feel like I have just stumbled upon my first real plateau. This is what my weight ups and downs have looked like in the past month:

May 8: 167.8 (-3.0)
May 15: 170.2 (+2.8)
May 22: 167.6 (-3.0)
May 29: 168.4 (+0.8)
June 5: 166.4 (-2.0)
net = (-1.4) in 4 weeks

My calorie intake is right around 1400 a day (sometimes I go slightly over, and just as often I go under). My BMR should be 1500ish. I should easily be losing a pound a week, and more so considering how much running I have been doing.

After doing a lot of reading, it seems that my body may just be used to my routine after doing pretty much the same things for the last 18 months. So, here is my shake it up plan, using methods that I have read about which seemed to help people break plateaus.

June 4 - June 18 = Increase daily calorie intake 1600 to 1800 a day, making sure to get lots of good fats and see if that makes a difference in my BM habits. Stick with the same amount of exercise (2 miles running, 1 mile walking, every other day). I will not be surprised if I don't lose any weight in the next two weeks. I think even at 1800 there should not be any gain (there better not be...)

June 19 and onwards: Crackdown time! Calories back down to 1200-1400 a day. Limit fruit to 2 servings a day (ie apple or strawberries for breakfast, prunes with lunch). Lunch to be protein and veggies. Dinner protein and veggies. (If calories allow, Punkin P-ice cream is back on the map). Try not to eat past 8pm (this is hard for me since I exercise after work and don't generally get back home until 6:30 which means dinner isn't even done 'til 7pm, but I'm going to try). Snacking and tasties will need to stop. I account for them, but it will be added calories I wont have any longer.

Exercise: free-weight toning DVDs have been acquired, so will begin these on the off days from running. Will start pushing for longer run time vs the walk portion.

Also, I am officially in size 10 jeans. Freaking crazy talk!

Living

Gosh I didn't notice that a whole month+ has passed since my last blog post! Time is just flying by.

Not a lot has changed since my last post.  I did make it to "overweight" status 2 weeks ago, so that's awesome!  I really put an emphasis on the word "overweight" vs "obese" in my last post.  Now that I am on other side of the goal, I feel differently.  The BMI scales are so ridiculous that I don't put all that much celebration in the status itself, it's just another goal I met in my long list of goals :)  Weirdness to have that change of heart.

I weighed in at 167.8 last weekend, a mere 1.8 pound from my huge 166 goal.  Of course, now I am back up to 170.2 as of a couple days ago.  My eating has been fine, although I did have a couple days where my calories were up around 1500.  I also had a couple days in the 1100s, so it's not fat weight, its either water weight, muscle weight, or poop.

TMI moment: I don't poop nearly enough.  I feel bloated and gassy and full like ALL the time.  I think it is because I have almost 0 fat intake. I am trying to remedy that by having 2% yogurt (instead of fat free) at lunches, and trying to use more oil when I make stir-frys (instead of dry pans or sprays) but it's not really helping.  I think I may start drinking prune juice, but I really hate squandering calories on juice.  Honestly, only having a BM once every 3 or 4 days, and it not being very much is really starting to get tiring.  So I may just have to trade off dessert for juice a couple times a week =( Sucketh.

About the idea it may be muscle weight, I have really upped my exercise regimen a lot in the last 5 weeks.  I am doing 6:30-7:00 mins of jogging (which I lovingly refer to as my grandma jog because it is slow and ponderous still at this point) to 1-1:30 mins of walking now, which is roughly two full miles over 30 minutes. How cool is that?! I have also changed my route in that I am on a trail with quite a bit of elevation change for two of the cycles.  In addition, I found a hiking trail that I am trying to hit on my off days which is a 700 foot elevation change over 2 miles (give or take), so its a HUGE workout on my legs.  I have only done it a couple times now due to the stupid rain, but it is a regimen that I am looking forward to keeping up.  In any case, my legs are getting pretty solid under this layer of fat!

I found myself thinking about discovering these hikes and nature paths due to me getting out to exercise.  And more importantly, being physically able to make it the 3/4 mile to the path, and up the huge 700 ft hill to the hike area.  I feel like I am finally living, maybe for the first time ever.  That sounds weird and cliche, but I can't think of something better.  Being physically able to do stuff I couldn't do before is liberating.  This is a whole new world and it is exciting for me to discover I am doing something I would never have thought possible before.

My next goal, aside from 166, is to keep up with the hikes, add another mile to my runs (and switch my route back to the flat surface street while I work up to it before switching back to the trail.. that shit is HARD), and be able to fit in 10s, if I am not already in 10s.  I haven't gone to try on clothes in a long while to know my size.  Maybe a visit to somewhere is in order and see if my goal needs to be to fit into 8s.  That would be rad.

The dreaded skin issues are really starting now.  It's so gross - but way better than when the skin was so fulll of fat.  Now, I still have plenty of weight to lose, so it's only going to get worse, but good gods, I have skin folds on my pubic region.  Nobody told me that was going to happen!  The underneath of my arms are starting to look like a stretched balloon after deflation, and my ass/thigh region is all wrinkly. I need a full friggen' body lift.  Oh and don't get me started on the boobs.  I used to be a 44H, now I am a 32DDD.  Talk about sagging... although, I did get a couple of terrific bras and they totally look great under clothes, so there is that.

In non-weight news, we made an offer on a house and it sounds like the bank accepted the offer.  We are going to hear about it very soon methinks.  Very exciting!  Between the health and weight loss lifestyle (which is both time and mentally consuming), switching gears into home remodel/decor mode, and doing my jewelry making, my life is getting pretty hectic!

I'm almost overweight.

So, in 4 measly pounds, I will be out of the obese category.  The mind-bogglingness of this really can't be put into the written word.  I think one needs to experience for oneself how going from a "super-morbidly obese" adult down to "overweight" to really understand the impact of that little word.  Overweight.  People bemoan being overweight.  The bane of a lot of people's existence is being overweight.  And here I am, almost loopy with joy with the prospect of being overweight.  Even though in my brain I know that the BMI categories are complete hooey, it means SO MUCH to me, more than any other number has to this point.

The double whammy though is that my next big goal, after reaching the overweight category, is now 9 pounds away for me: a  weight of 166.  At 166 pounds, I will have also lost 166 pounds.  I will have indeed lost myself in weight.  When people say "you have lost a whole person" (and they do already) I can point to myself and say "Yep. I have lost THIS person".  I am excited to see how I feel on that day.  It is another mind-eff.   There will be celebratory photos taken!  I don't expect to reach that point for another 2 months though, so I need to calm the heck down ;)

My jogging is going well! I am up to 4:30 jog to 3:00 walk.  Of course, my last 2 runs have been lame.  Yesterday I got a serious case of heart burn and indigestion right when I left so I could only do half the jog, and my the last day before that I blew my knee out somehow and couldn't even walk that night let alone jog. 

Tonight is my first night I will be following a strength training CD I just purchased from Amazon.  All the reading I have done has been saying that cardio is not enough for total health and putting on some muscle will help with metabolism as well as sagging skin issues (and good gravy are there sagging skin issues.  In some spots,  I look like a 95 year old man who has spent his life in the Sahara).  I am not really wanting to do the gym thing since 1) I am lazy 2) I am cheap 3) I am moving soon so joining a gymlocal to me NOW might not be local to me in the next few months - so this video seems like a good alternative.  Stay tuned for updates on me trying to get some muscles (pronounced mus-CULS)!

Also, I am really dying for some chocolate cake (there has been a homemade cake sitting out on the credenza in my front office since 9am.  I have not touched it) and ice cream (husband made me go to Cold Stone yesterday so he could have a caramel shake. The kid behind the counter couldn't find the nutrition info for the Sinless ice cream so I opted not to partake and  just watched husband eat).  I don't normally have ridiculous junk-food cravings.  I have been chewing sweet (sugarless) gum like mad all day and it has helped somewhat.  Tonight I shall indulge in my fajita salad with a generous portion of frozen fruit "ice cream" for desert and wallow in my awesome self control  while fiddling with my now-prominent collar bones ;)

Until next time...

The March check in post

I am a jogger.

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I'm just letting that sink in for myself (seeing it in writing, that is) and for any of you readers.  How many posts in this blog talk about how good my eating has been, and then goes on to kick myself for not doing exercise?  I finally passed that hurdle.

Not only am I consistently jogging every other day, but I LIKE it.  I like it, and I LOOK FORWARD to it.  I feel like my brain has been transposed into someone else's head.  This is not something I would ever think would happen.  I hate exercise. I have always hated exercise.  Even in high school (graduated in 1992) in PE class I was the smart ass walking around the track when everyone else was running or sitting behind the hand ball courts while everyone else was playing volleyball.

I am going a very conservative Couch to 5k program.  When I started in mid-January, I was only able to jog for 30 seconds, then walk for 8 minutes (repeating that cycle 4 times).  I am up to 3 minutes of jogging to 5 minutes of walking now.  I am so impressed with myself.  When I get home and I have that hot, sweaty, euphoric feeling... I love it.  It is addicting!  It feels so good. Practically orgasmic.  I look forward to my running days on non-runnign days, and I look forward to getting out and getting my jog in on the day of.

Now, during the jog itself...  that is a whole different story.  When I am out there jogging, and its only been 2 minutes, and I have a whole minute left, you should hear the nasty horrible things I say to myself.  I call myself names for being such a wuss and being in so much pain.  I ask myself why the crap am I doing this to myself, to punish myself the way I am.  I try to convince myself that walking would give me the same caloric workout.  Oh the games we play.

Today is a jog day and I am jonesing to get home and get out there :)

I have been experimenting this month with food.  I dropped my morning oatmeal in favor of having an egg white omelette and then a yogurt midmorning.  I decided I was just not getting enough protein in my diet.  Now I feel like I am not getting enough whole grain since I am basically having none.  I have also been recording my daily weight which is something I haven't done at all.  It looks like I maintain/gain weight for the 2 weeks prior to my menses cycle starting, the slowly start losing as soon as it starts.  I will post results of the month long record on my next post so I can keep track of it.  It looks so discouraging being the same weight for 3 weeks now ... well, as of this morning I am the same weight I was 3 weeks ago.  I have been +2-4 pounds every morning in the interim.

My goal this year was to lose 4 pounds a month; I don't care if it is 1 pound a week or 4 pounds all at once.  This will keep me on track be in the 130s by the end of the year.  However, with this running.. I am getting muscles!  My sides are getting pretty solid under the layer of fat.  So, if my scale doesn't go down as planned, I am not even that concerned.  I can't keep my hands off this solid wall on my side ;)  My goal is really to get down to a size 8 by the end of the year, and if I can be a size 6 - that would be awesome (but that is my secondary goal, and may be too small for my frame-  time will tell).

I suppose that is all for now.  Nothing else much has changed since my last post.  We are still moving forward with house hunting.  I am still eating whole foods and getting 12-1400 calories a day (always closer to 1400 truth be told).

Until next time...

Time Keeps on Ticking

I was in a slump at the end of January as my weight went from 193.6, down to 188 in one week, and then shot back up to the 190s for 2 weeks in a row.  I posted on 3FC and got some wonderful insight and advice on how to get over a plateau, and look what happened! Two weeks later, and I am down to 183.2.  Happy days!

The best bit of advice was "push yourself harder at exercise" and I realized that - yeah - I wasn't pushing myself nearly hard enough.  I did start the conservative Couch to 5K, but I am doing it at my own pace.  You are supposed to move up increments every week, but I am moving up when I can, so its basically taking me 2 weeks per phase.  But the awesome news is, I can do 1:50 jogging and once I did 2:20 seconds! This is amazing to me and I feel SO accomplished.  I know it doesn't sounds like much (even to me if I think about it too much), but the fact that I have never exercised EVER and couldn't walk a block a year ago, my goodness.  I'm awesome!  I can't wait 'til I can go for 30 minutes.  I am going to feel great!

I never followed through on my WiFit every other day plan.  I am going to look for a DVD that has a free-weight toning routine for upper body and see if I can't follow through with that.

Another goal I am working on right now is to get grains out of my diet entirely and to up my protein intake.  I am hoping this is going to boost the last 50ish pounds of loss.  My realistic hopes is that by the end of this year I will be at goal.  My FANTASY is that it will only take half that time.  So, to try to achieve the fantasy, cutting carbs more seems to be a step in the right direction.

I hardly eat grains now except my morning oatmeal.  So my first step is to stop eating the oatmeal (cry) and switch to eggs in the morning.  I am also going  to forgo my half-sandwich lunch and start eating more yogurt and probably salad AND soup (instead of one or the other) and also up my legumes which I have been avoiding due to calorie count.  We will see how this goes.  It has been 13 months of oatmeal every morning and I am used to the feeling of fullness.  Lately though, I have been getting hungry at 11:00 and 4:00.  I think my added jogging has done this, and I need more calories (I'm only doing 1200-1400 now) but instead of upping calories, I'm going to try this shift of food stuffs.

In non-fat related news, we are looking for a house!  This is the first time in a year I have had my thoughts concentrated on something other than weight loss. It is strange.  I have devoted so much emotional time and energy to learning about nutrition and keeping track of calories, and now suddenly I find that I am thinking about ways to save money (still working on the dang down payment) and mortgages and if we can afford to live in the part of town we want to live in... it's a complete shift of perspective.  I am not NOT thinking about weight loss (obviously...).  It is just bizarre to have something else going on in the back of my mind all the time.

Until next time...